How To Not Be An Asshole At The Gym

Etiquette for gym-goers and kindergarteners

Boss Workouts Shape and Burn

The gym is full of careless, oblivious people. Please, do not be one of them. Most of these manners were taught in Kindergarten. And I know, they’ve all been beaten to death in plenty of articles (especially curling in the squat rack). Unfortunately, I still often see them broken in a gym setting. So, it doesn’t hurt to reiterate. 


Here Are Eight Ways To Avoid Being An Asshole At The Gym:

1. Put Your Sh*t Back

This is pretty straightforward, yet, it’s still such a difficult concept for many to grasp. It’s so beyond frustrating when you’re short on time, trying to get a quick workout in and have to waste time re-racking four 45-pound plates off the bar. Also, don’t think you’re doing anyone a favor by placing the 45-pound plates just anywhere. If you stack larger plates in front of smaller ones, you better be blind or have dyscalculia. And Going on a damn scavenger hunt for missing dumbbells is even worse. Think of dumbbells like a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie: THEY COME AS A PAIR! Has Mary-Kate ever starred in a film without Ashley or Ashley without Mary-Kate? NO! The 25-pound dumbbells belong in the spot designated for the 25-pound dumbbells. Putting things back where they belong is like the first lesson taught in Kindergarten. If you don’t have time to clean up after, you don’t have time for that exercise.


2. Use Your Inside Voices

The second thing taught in Kindergarten. The lunk alarm is one thing Planet Fitness got right. Like, I get it; you’re lifting heavy shit, bro. But is it really necessary to shout like a gorilla in heat? Is that going to help you set a new personal record? You’re pretty much announcing “I’M A HUGE TOOL AND POSSIBLY ON STEROIDS!” to the entire gym.


3. Texting

When is it acceptable to occupy a bench or machine while you flip through your music library or text a fricken novel to your boyfriend or girlfriend? This is not a trick question. The answer is NEVER. If you want to chillax at the gym, fine. However, don’t do it on other people’s time. It’s a bench, not a La-Z-Boy recliner. Kindly step aside to take care of your business.


4. Sharing Is Caring 

Ahhhh, sharing! The third thing taught in Kindergarten. If your response to the question, “Can I work in with you?” is anything but yes, you should automatically have your membership revoked. If you’re circuit training or supersetting, why do you need to hog the squat rack, bench press, AND lat pulldown? Are there three of you? Do you multiply like a gremlin when working up a sweat? Don’t be that person who thinks it’s totally okay to hoard four sets of dumbbells and other miscellaneous gym equipment during peak hours. No, when it’s Monday, a towel does not reserve a bench while you’re off gallivanting. If the gym is dead, fine. Go ahead and have a field day. 


5. You Make A Better Door Than Window

Men are very guilty of this. It’s an issue I often deal with due to my 5’2 stature. Most guys tower over my shrimpy ass. So, when I’m using the mirror, and you decide to walk in front of me mid-set, you’re completely blocking my view. It’s like interrupting someone during an important phone call. I don’t know why dudes are unable to grasp this concept. Are you so mesmerized by the sight of your muscles that you don’t notice me when full-length mirrors surround us? Are you just bad at addition and figuring out how much you benched? Or do seriously just not give a sh*t? Regardless, don’t step in front of a person while he or she is using the mirror. Take a moment to look behind you or prepare to be “THIS IS SPARTA” kicked.

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6. Drop It Like It’s Hot A Civilized Human Being

Again, is throwing your weights down going to help you set a new PR? Well, if you wind up breaking your ankle, no. You’re probably terrifying some poor girl who started lifting in the free-weight area that week. She has no idea what she’s doing and on top of that, she has to worry about dodging dumbbells? I’ve been there. If you absolutely feel the need to do this and your gym allows it (most don’t because lawsuits aren’t fun for anyone), please make sure there’s enough surrounding space. 


7. Sweating 

If you sweat like a dude waiting to hear the paternity test results on The Maury Show, wipe down the machine or bench when you’re finished using it. Nobody wants to soak up your human juice when they sit down. *Cringe* I’m not saying you have to clean every machine or bench after using it. However, if there’s visible moisture, WIPE IT DOWN!  giphy

 8. Take A Picture; It’ll Last Longer.

This is a pointer that applies to any instance outside the gym. I get it; A fit girl squatting while wearing yoga pants or leggings is a glorious view. Go ahead and have yourself a glimpse or two. But gawking at her for the entire span of her workout is just plain creepy. Unless she’s wearing workout clothes that look like they’re from Baby GAP, you’re making her uncomfortable as well as anyone who is witnessing your googly-eyed ass. And don’t even look in the general direction of the hip abductor machine. Ladies, you’re not off the hook either. Don’t tell me you’ve never been guilty of giving another woman the stink-eye because I’ll cue the song “Why You Always Lyin’?”


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