RBF has been all over the internet as of late. I suffer from a serious case of “resting bitch face.” I have been asked countless times, “What’s wrong?” or “Why are you so upset?” Only to respond, “That’s just my face, I’m fine!” RBF plagues many women from all walks of life.
I recently read an article in the New York Times, explaining that men with stern faces and longing looks are distinguished. Well, I disagree. I believe that men suffer as well. I know this because my husband suffers from what I call “resting dick face.”
Resting Dick Face causes the face to squint and scowl, looking grouchy, and constipated.
RDF is usually prompted by any of the following situations:
- Asking for help with the kids
- Asking for help with the dishes
- Asking for help with the laundry
- Spending time with the in-laws
- Spending time with the wife’s friends
- Listening to the wife talk about her day
- Interrupting ESPN
- Interrupting an NBA game
- Interrupting an NFL game
- Interrupting a PGA event
- Interrupting a 30 for 30 special
- Clothes shopping
- Shoe shopping
- Purse shopping
- Home decor shopping
- Event planning (other than Super Bowl)
- Denying sex due to a headache
- Denying sex due to your period
- Denying sex due to exhaustion
- Denying sex simply to deny sex
But wait, there is hope! There are several known cures for RDF, and it is your womanly duty to make sure that you can put that smile back on your mans face.
Check out Cures for RDF on the next page…
Cures for RDF:
- An ice-cold beer served to him in a koozie
- Drinking with friends
- Fixing stuff that isn’t broken
- Buying electronics
- Buying non-essential items
- Watching Sports Center
- Playing video games
- Eating a fat, juicy steak
- Reading Playboy
- Sending stupid text messages to friends
- Sending stupid text messages to you
- Sexual intercourse
- Watching Porn
- Oral sex
As the keeper of your man, please take solace in the fact that you are not alone. Millions, if not billions, of men suffer from this condition. Take a deep breath and relax. It isn’t necessary to seek medical attention right away.
Proven Methods For Combating This Terribles Affliction:
- Ignore him
- Tell him you can see his gaping vagina all the way from where you’re standing
- Tell him to sack up
- Ask him if he needs a tampon
- Ask him if his panties are bunched up his ass
- Ask him if he needs you to cradle his balls (This one may lead to actual cupping of the balls, so ask at your own risk)
- Give him a list of things to do and fix around the house, he is obviously bored
- Sweetly tell him to wipe that look off his face and give the kids a bath.
I am hopeful that one day we will find a cure for RDF, but this is a severely underfunded research area. Share this article in hopes of spreading awareness.
Or…we can all go home and tell our men to just SUCK IT UP!