For those of you who liked my 10 Things Not to Say to a Female Lifter</a href> article, I present to you one specific to our CrossFit loves. If you CrossFit, you’ve heard every single one of these and have surely wanted to punch a few people in the face. Since I’m not a professional like most of you, I called in one of my faves to help me create a list of Do Not’s: Tiffany Kay Tam, Founder, Barbell Babes</a href>.
Kipping Pullups Are Not Pullups
You know, its pretty bold of most people to say this, given that they probably can’t even do 5 pullups anyways. Have you tried Kipping Pullups? It is actually a full body movement that needs to be taught. You can’t just show up and do one, people! Does it entail more body momentum than a normal pullup? Yes. Will you be absolutely exhausted after you’ve performed, oh idk, 100 of them in one session? I’m not even warranting that with a response. Call me after you’ve mastered your first pullup sweetie.
Why Don’t You Do a Real Sport
There was a time where every sport wasn’t an actual “sport”. Before Basketball was a thing, it was just a bunch of people throwing a ball into a basket. I mean, I wasn’t there for the creation of Basketball, but I feel really positive that all the guys wrestling each other probably told b-ballers to go find a “real sport” to do. If they hadn’t stuck it out, we’d never have Jordan or LeBron, who make putting a ball through a circle look so garshdarn good. Its the same with CrossFit. You may see it as just a lot of people lifting things and running around and throwing things, but we have people like Annie, Andrea, and Stacie who make it look so awesome. A sport is anything with physical exertion and skill with individuals competing against one another. Don’t be bitter that our sport just looks better than yours.
What’s With All the F’in Handstands
Ok, yes, admittedly, there are a lot of people handstanding everywhere. We get it, we really do. But if people understood why a handstand picture is a sign of awesomeness, they wouldn’t be so harsh. The handstand on a single hand is a show of strength and balance. Go try it and hold it for a while, its tough. CrossFit is amazing because it allows you to be strong in all aspects of life and for real life situations. After one too many HSPU (handstand pushups for you commoners), you’ll find that if you ever need to walk on your hands, up a mountain, over jagged rocks, and through caves…you’ll be straight. Ahh, CrossFit!
I Would Never Do CrossFit, It’s a Cult
Honestly, with that attitude, they probably don’t want you. And CrossFitters want everyone to CrossFit. It is the rule of CF, you talk to everyone about it. So what if they all seem a bit too happy, and want to spend time together in their gym, and all wear Reebok…wait, that’s starting to sound a bit cult-ish. The point is, everyone gets excited about things they start doing. CrossFit just seems to add a layer of passion for people because its an activity that can transform a person physically and mentally. People become stronger, can take on more, are challenged, make friends. If that is a cult, then idk why the F we hate cults so much!
You’re Not a “Real” Athlete
I mean, you’re kidding me, right? What does a real athlete look like? Aren’t athletes just people who are in great shape and are capable of both cardiovascular and physical activity? Don’t athletes possess a specific skill that makes them capable of performing in their sport? I could keep asking questions, but we already know I’m right so it would be a waste of time. CrossFit gets a bad rap because many people who do CF discover that they actually are athletes after they’ve tried a workout. Maybe people shouldn’t hate on CrossFit so much for helping others realize their athletic potential, and should start thanking us. I mean, CrossFit is helping to create your future fitchick girlfriend for crying out loud.
You’re Going to Get Hurt From All That Bad Form
Don’t even start with this crap. For the amount of people that are in regular gyms, squatting way too much weight with horrible form, CrossFit isn’t the only sort of exercise that could be pain inducing. There are plenty of boxes that work diligently on technique and form with their clients prior to allowing a person to even look at a weight. Just because there are some bad examples out there, doesn’t mean the entire sport is crap. If we went by that logic, then its amazing guys can still get a woman to go home with them 😉
Why Do You Always Have to Be Naked?
We aren’t naked. And why on Earth would you even complain about that. Yes, most of the people making this comment are other ladies, which is sort of a thing all on it’s own, but it doesn’t make it less insulting. How on Earth can you tell CrossFit chicks to cover up more, then be the first to “pin” pictures of sports bra wearing, booty short rocking CrossFitters onto your “Motivation” board? If you’re telling a CF chick to cover up, its because you’re jealous you don’t look like a CF chick. And we don’t always only wear bras and shorts. Sometimes we wear bandanas too.
CrossFit Isn’t a Way of Life, It’s Exercise
If there is anything that should be a “way of life” it should be a healthful activity. The CrossFit and exercise in that statement can be swamped out for anything… “Your Job isn’t a way of life, its Work” or “Your Pog Collection isn’t a way of life, its a hobby”. You laugh, but when Pogs return, I’m going to be rich. Seriously though, for many, CrossFit isn’t the end all be all like everyone wants to believe all CrossFitters think, but when you do something that makes you feel better, engages you, and makes you want to make better choices for your health…that simply is a better way of life. No pogs about it.
Do You Have to do Paleo?
No, you don’t. But meat is so good, why wouldn’t you want to? Wait, let me appeal to the ladies here…when eating less carbs, more protein, and still having energy and being healthy leads to you looking simply amazing, why wouldn’t you? Say one more thing about my Paleo, and I’ll have to tell you how stupid your South Beach Diet or your Cabbage Soup Diet sounds.
They sound stupid. That’s how they sound.
Who Pays That Much Just to Workout?
Alright, alright CrossFit is expensive. If you think we look at the monthly payment and don’t cringe just a tiny bit, you’re mistaken. But there is a reason that it costs more than your normal gym. To start with, you have someone watching your workout, every workout. You’ve heard the “how much would you pay for a personal trainer” bit before? Ok, so how about this…your gym, Planet Fitness, WSC, etc, doesn’t have all the fun space and equipment that you have at a box. You can’t just grab a trainer and have them encourage you to sprint past the ellipitcals, perform 50 double unders by the Smith Machine, bust out 20 cleans by the free weights, and finish it out with 30 wall balls by the calf raise. I mean, you could, but you’ll probably be asked to leave because you’d be hitting passer-bys with your jump rope. You’re paying for legit coaching, open space, unique equipment, and bumper plates. Because everyone loves bumper plates…
CrossFit isn’t for everyone, but like everything else, never knock it before you try it. Especially since when you try it, you might not be able to even do it.